Jen + Caleb’s Birth Story
BIRTH STORY - JEN
(Before I leap into the labor part I wanted to share some of the last couple weeks of my pregnancy and my experience advocating for what we’d learned in Bradley method. In the off chance I’m not the last one to give birth in the group, but also maybe to help Liza’s future students.)
I was due on October 9th. Well, October 9th came and went, to our shock, because I had experienced preterm labor at 29 weeks. (We’d spent the night in the hospital to get contractions to stop and when we were told we could go home, they put me on quite the restricted regimen. No working out, very little work, no more travel, etc.) All that to say, we were expecting our baby to be early.
As we approached my due date, we started talking with my doctor about what would happen, should I be overdue. She said she’d let me go to 42 weeks and she said she’d let me hit 41 before talking about any type of inducements.
At our 40 week appointment she started doing an amniotic fluid check and non stress tests. Baby looked good, so we kept going.
At 41 weeks I allowed her to check my cervix for the first time because she started talking about induction methods and she kept saying “without a check I can’t offer my best professional opinion about how far to let you go or how we should induce if we need to”. I really didn’t want to be induced and thought that if she could check my cervix and see what was going on she’d be up for giving me more time. I really trusted that my body was working on things. Sure enough I was 2-3cm dilated and 80% effaced. She said I could go “at any minute” but if I didn’t, she wanted to sweep my membranes in two days. Two days later (on a Friday) we were back in the office, still waiting. I was now 3cm dialated and 90% effaced at 41 weeks and 2 days. She said we should sweep my membranes and labor would start. I asked her if I could have the weekend to see if my body would kick things off on its own. She pushed back and said “there was no downside to a membrane sweep”. I disagreed. I knew it would possibly start the intervention domino effect and I wanted more time. She agreed to give me the weekend but said, come Monday at 41 weeks 5 days we’d do the sweep.
I really felt like I had to push for what I wanted. And I’d felt supported by my doctor through my entire pregnancy so it was hard to push back on what she wanted to do. When I asked why for the membranes sweep so early in week 41 when she’d previously told me I could go to 42 weeks, she’d only say, “well this is what we do”, or “there’s no downside to a sweep” despite the fact that my amniotic fluid looked really good and so did my non stress tests. It was an emotional place to be in for the week, wanting to advocate for my body, my baby, and myself while second guessing everything based on my doctor’s reaction and what she wanted to do.
Well we took the weekend to try to coax the little one out. We tried everything on Liza’s handouts. We even hopped on the phone to talk to Liza about things. She suggested I pump for longer than I had been. On Sunday I went for a 4.5 mile walk and pumped for two hours from 4:30pm-6:30pm. I started having contractions at 6:30pm.
I immediately knew that things were starting, if they’d only keep going we’d be in business. The contractions felt like intense period cramps to start and I was able to eat and laugh with Caleb in between them for about an hour and a half. Things got intense quickly from there. Dara told us on the phone to put me in bed so I could get some sleep but I already knew things were moving faster than that. There was no way I could sleep through what was happening.
I don’t know the time frame as well as Caleb, but I started to really have to prepare my breath for each contraction. If I didn’t, I’d tense up and feel like I was losing control and that the pain was running away with me. If I breathed before it started and through it, it went much better. I also needed Caleb to be touching me in some way. His touch was like an anchor for me, keeping me focused. The few times he had to walk away from me to get or do something, I felt as though the pain carried me away and I couldn’t control it, his touch kept me grounded.
I was only comfortable on the exercise ball, moving my hips in circles and from side to side. I eventually leaned over our kitchen counter and collapsed in between contractions to rest while still sitting on the ball. I tried for a round of contractions getting into the side lying pose for relaxation and it was hell. I needed to move. Simply laying there felt like I was a victim to the pain.
After Caleb got off the phone with Dara, she recommended belly sifting and belly lifts in the shower and then to call her after. We did both of those things and then I wanted to just stay in the shower with water running over me and moan through the pain. I basically had my eyes closed the whole time. At some point Dara arrived and she must have seen how quickly things were moving because she got me out of the shower (which was tough, I didn’t want to get out) and she put me on the toilet straddling it backwards and laying over the tank. The contractions were getting more and more intense, the pressure was almost unbearable. And then just as I had the thought that I couldn’t stand it anymore, my water broke. I had some minor relief for a small window of time and Dara must have been familiar with that window because she said “Jen, you’re gonna get a small break here, let’s get you dressed and downstairs and in the car”.
In the car things got even more intense and I felt the urge to push. I kept my eyes closed and resisted the urge as much as possible. When we got to the hospital I collapsed in the hallway on the way to our room because the pressure in my pelvis wouldn’t allow me to walk. I felt my baby descending into the birth canal and continued to resist the urge to push.
They immediately checked my cervix and told me I was 9cm dilated and by the time they’d gotten me in a gown and on an IV for fluids I was telling Caleb and Dara I wanted to push. The doc checked me again and said that I was ready/at 10cm. Pushing gave me something to do. And while I wouldn’t say I looooooved the sensation, it felt productive. I pushed for 45 min and our baby girl was born at 12:33am on October 21st. I had a couple stitches and delivered the placenta without issue. I was up and moving around after that golden hour of skin to skin. I felt very present, aware, and awake after she was born, and while I’ve been sore recovery overall has gone VERY well.
We’re all doing really well and are happy and healthy.
Having Dara there was such a relief. During labor I felt like things were progressing so fast, so when she arrived I breathed a sigh of relief that she would recognize the mile markers more than Caleb and I might and she’d tell us when it was time to go. She’s also so incredibly present and calm that having her there was almost pain relief in and of itself. When I was getting carried away by the pain rather than through it, she could tell and would breath with me or grab my face and whisper into my ear that I was strong and that I was going to meet my baby soon. It grounded me in the same way that Caleb’s touch did. It kept me focused and present and able to withstand the contraction.
At the hospital Dara ran the show, she helped Caleb and I during the sprint that was our check in and answered questions about our birth plan when the nurses were rapid firing questions at us. She dimmed the lights in the room and kept me calm and focused on the work to be done while still handling allllll the things going on around her. It was so amazing.
She cheered me on through pushing and held one of my legs the entire time, still whispering words of encouragement and strength.
And after my beautiful baby girl was born she sat with us and rubbed my legs with essential oils while the nurses finished up their procedural things. She even helped me with my first latch as my daughter started breast feeding.
I had been so worried about feeling like a stranger was in the room with Caleb and I when I gave birth, but when Dara said she was leaving and would let us have some time alone together as a new family of three I was sad to see her go. She was so much apart of the experience and a source of strength and comfort for me.
I cannot recommend Joy and Dara enough to any Mamas out there in need of the same.
BIRTH STORY - CALEB
Jen asked me to add a bit from my perspective.
It all happened so fast, but being almost 2 weeks past the due date Jen (and her body) were ready.
(6:30pm to 8:30pm)
The first 60 minutes of contractions Jen could handle mostly on her own and would look at me normally and talk to me or finish eating dinner in between. Because Jen was already so late, 3 cm dilated, and 90% effaced our doctor told us to go to the hospital once she started to have 1 minute contractions, 5 minutes apart for 1 hour. Well, that’s what happened in the first hour... and I didn’t see a transition from Jen yet, so we waited.
Another hour of contractions at 1 minute long, 5 minutes apart and Jen was starting to turn more inward and needed me to be rubbing her back or putting pressure on the outside of her hips. During rest times she would keep her eyes closed and just breath. Not really talking to me.
We tried to switch it up and have Jen lay on her side, but after trying through 3 contractions, she hated it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
(8:30pm to 10:30pm)
I had been texting with her, but the next 2 hours started with me calling the doula at 8:53pm. She talked to Jen, encouraged her to do 15 minutes of belly sifting and 10 contractions worth of ab/belly lifts in the shower and then call her. By the 9th, Jen couldn’t stand on her own. She was moaning a lot throughout. (Sorry neighbors! Although they swear they couldn’t hear...)
I would describe Jen as being in a focused trance. She was “there”, but in the flow of what her body was doing. During the rest periods she would basically collapse.
I had been timing the contractions through all of this and they were 60 to 70 seconds long, on average of ~3 minutes apart, for over an hour.
We call the doula and asked her to come over at 9:42pm. While we waited, Jen labored on a smaller birth ball in the shower with the wand running hot water over her.
(10:30pm to 11:15pm)
Within a few minutes of the doula arriving we moved Jen from the shower to sitting backwards on the toilet because she was feeling a lot of pressure. Our doula was asking if her water broke in the shower and neither of us thought it did.
While on the toilet, the doula looked at me and said something along the lines of “do you have everything packed and ready to go?” I said “almost”, and went around the house grabbing the last things and put them in the car.
When I came back up, Jen’s water broke on the toilet, which relieved some of the pressure for her. We then started to get ready to leave for the hospital.
Once in the car, we drove 8 minutes to the hospital, through a few contractions, trying not to push, and we checked in.
On the way from the L&D front desk to the room (probably 50 feet) Jen basically collapsed into our arms. Her knees buckled and she couldn’t walk anymore. We wheelchair her into the room and things got going.
(11:15pm to 12:33am)
Once in the hospital room, Jen contractions were so intense that we had to tell the nurses to wait to “hook her up” to anything until she was in between them. Jen just sat on the edge of the bed through 1 or 2 of them.
They checked her right away and she was 9cm, so they told her to wait and not push. They started monitoring, put in an IV hole, but no drip.
After a few more contractions, they had Jen lay her back down on the bed so the midwife could check again. She was 10 cm and -1.
Jen first tried pushing laying on her side for 5 contractions I’d say. A little bit of progress was made that way. They gave Jen an oxygen mask.
She then switched to on her back holding her knees up to her chest. Our Duola held one leg, a nurse and I held the other and Jen pushed through 7 to 10 contractions I’d say before our daughter was born all in one push. Head, shoulders, everything.
Jen did so amazing. Our doula was so great leading up to and especially right during/after the birth. I can’t imagine it going any better for Jen, who really wanted a natural birth. I’m so proud of her.
We went home from the hospital Wednesday afternoon. About 39 hours after Odette Aoife Wojcik’s birth.